All Grown Up Read online

  He sat on the couch and pulled her onto his lap. As he wrapped his arms around her, he felt her trembling. “Brianna, baby, relax.” He started to rock her, but remembered the beating her ass had taken and stopped.

  The Dom in him wanted to take her to task for the “give you an excuse” phrase and it would have to be addressed eventually, but right now he needed to build her confidence in him.

  “Who is the Dom in our relationship?” Once he established control, they’d both be on surer footing.

  “You are, Master.”

  He felt the tiniest bit of tension ease from her body. “That’s right. That means I make the decisions and I’m in charge.”

  “Yes, Master.”

  By the tone of her voice, he suspected she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. “For me to make informed decisions—you must talk to me. It wasn’t your place to decide that walking around naked in a club full of strangers was something you needed to work on. That was my decision to make.”

  “I’m sorry, Master,” she mumbled into his shoulder as she curled into him.

  “Sorry doesn’t cut it, Brianna. You flat out lied to me…again.” In the six years they’d been apart, he’d gained a lot of experience and he was going to need it. Reading her body language was the only clue to what was going on inside her head.

  “I didn’t purposefully lie, Sir. I just didn’t tell you everything I was thinking about.”

  With the use of the term Sir, he knew she was pulling away from him. If he had a brain in his skull, he’d let her. But obviously, his three major body parts had held a private conference and his heart and dick had sent his brain packing. “Try that again and address me correctly.” He spoke slowly and with a calmness he didn’t really feel.

  Brianna lifted her head off his chest and met his gaze. Looking more like a wounded puppy than the gorgeous woman he knew her to be. He had to admit maybe his heart was smarter than his head.

  “I didn’t mean to lie, Master. I just didn’t share everything that was on my mind.”

  “That’s better, pretty girl. You need to give your Master more credit. I know there’s a difference between being nude for a scene and being nude in other situations. There may be a time when I ask that of you and maybe not. It depends on what we decide our goals will be. You need to trust me with small stuff as well as what you decide is important.”

  “You’re right, Master. I’m sorry.” She tucked her head back against his shoulder.

  “There’s something else you need to keep in mind. I don’t need an excuse to scene with another woman. I’m the Dom and it’s my decision to make. Just a few minutes ago, we had a discussion and talked about monogamy. What choice did I make?”

  “You vowed to be monogamous and faithful, Master.”

  She answered his question correctly and yet her eyes were shooting fire and tension radiated from her.

  “But?” He hoped she would be forthcoming.

  Only a moment or two passed before she finished the sentence for him. “But in New York, you didn’t see fulfilling your duties as a Dom in Residence as cheating. You considered it okay.”

  “You’re right. I didn’t have an emotional attachment to any of those women and I was just doing my job. However, once you finally told me how you really felt about it, how did I respond?”

  Brianna started to relax and snuggle into him again. “You quit volunteering at the club and only played with me.”

  “Why?” She needed to put the pieces together and realize her opinion mattered and if she would only give him the information he needed, he’d have an easier time making sure she was happy.

  “We talked about it and came up with a definition that we both agreed on.” Her hand came up and smoothed out imaginary lines on his shirt. Occasionally, her fingers would slide between the buttons and touch his chest.

  “Honestly, Brianna,” he cautioned, “do you agree with the definition we came up with or do we need to change it?”

  “No, Master, I have no qualms with our version of monogamy.”

  Their version wasn’t all that different from most vanilla couples and significantly more restrictive than many couples in the BDSM community. “Okay, keeping that in mind, will I demo or scene with another sub?”

  “No, Master, only with me.”

  It sounded like the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place for her. “Brianna, please understand, I don’t have a desire to scene with other women. Been there, done that and it’s nothing to write home about. It’s better than jacking off alone in the shower and that’s about it. What we shared together and what I hope to build again with you is so much more satisfying than anything I’ve had before or since.” He was definitely putting his nuts on the chopping block, but she seemed to need reassurance and he wouldn’t allow his pride to stand in the way of making this work.

  “I’ve really missed you, Master.”

  “I’ve missed you, pretty girl. However, next time you deliberately mislead me, there will be a consequence.”

  “Yes, Master. I’m trying.” She sneaked a glance at his face and their eyes locked.

  “I need you to promise me you won’t take off again. When problems arise, and they will, you need to come to me. We’ll talk it out.” He shook his head, unable to stop the flood of emotions from resurfacing. “Don’t leave me blindsided like that ever again.”

  “No, Steven, I’m done running. It might take me a bit to learn to open up, but I want us more than I’ve ever wanted anything else.”

  Her hand was steady against his heart and he liked it. Though she’d gained a few pounds, she still had tiny, delicate fingers. He brought them to his mouth and suckled each one. It was hard to believe Brianna was actually here with him.

  He couldn’t help but wonder what her life had been like during those missing years. She looked healthier now. Part of him was troubled that she looked better now than when she’d been with him. What else had he done wrong? What else had he missed?

  Before, he’d worried a big breeze would pick her up and carry her away. He should have worried less about the wind and more about building her trust. It was his shitty job of gaining her confidence in him that sent her running away. He planned to learn from that mistake and never make it again.

  “Okay, pretty girl. Are you ready?”

  She nodded and climbed off his lap.

  Steven glanced through his toy bag, mostly to build her level of anticipation. Brianna stood in front of him, her gaze on the floor and her hands behind her back, breasts thrust forward. Her face was serene. Only her racing pulse, visible at her slender neck, told him his plan was working.

  With his satchel in one hand, he opened the door for Brianna. “After you.”

  Brianna went through the doorway and stood just outside his office. Her gaze was still downcast and he didn’t like it. He wanted her submission and she was naturally demure in public, but he wanted to see her spirit and a sparkle in her eyes.

  Though she was headed for a punishment and she should be suitably solemn, he didn’t like seeing her this way. After the door glided shut, he held his hand out to her. She hesitated for moment, before she locked her fingers around his.

  “Thank you, Master. I’m not sure why I’m so nervous.”

  The fact that she shared her emotions without prompting was a huge step in the right direction. He brought her hand to his lips and gave her a kiss. “I’m right here, baby. Once we get through this, you’ll feel better.” Not physically, they both knew she’d spend the next few hours feeling her session, but emotionally, if things went as planned, she’d feel a huge relief.

  They walked hand-in-hand out of the executive area, past the bar and central stage. Several club members stopped and greeted him. Brianna kept her gaze down at the floor. He could feel a fine tremor running through her. She was definitely uncomfortable. Although he wanted to introduce her to those members he’d grown close to, he wasn’t sure how she would respond. He didn’t want to increase her n
ervous tension. It was one more thing they’d need to sort out.

  The St. Andrew’s Cross they’d be using was in the public play area, but set a little off the path. The shrubs and hedges gave them a modicum of privacy. Before he bound her to the apparatus, he needed to assess her stress level. He dropped his bag on a stump near the cross. Taking Brianna in his arms, he held her tightly until her trembling had stopped.

  “Are you okay?” He held her chin between his thumb and index finger to make sure he could read her expression. Considering everything that had passed between them, he wasn’t convinced she’d tell him the absolute truth. Until he knew he could trust her, he’d have to use every tool he had to get a glimpse of her thoughts.

  “Yes, Master. It’s been a long time and I’m a little anxious.”

  “Thank you for telling me. Do you want a slowdown word?” He would call it off completely, but she’d specifically asked for a whipping. To stop now might send the wrong message.

  “No, I won’t need one. You’ve always checked in with me often.”

  She was remembering their past. In his mind, they had many, many good times together, but he wasn’t sure she felt that way. Before they could move forward, he would need to know exactly what sent her running.

  Steven leaned in and seized her mouth. Gentle was out of reach. Wild and untamed, his tongue invaded her more harshly than he’d planned. His emotions were barely in check. He used his kiss to warn her of things yet to come.

  With his dick rock-hard and demanding to be part of the action, he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers. After he caught his breath, he asked her one last time. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Yes, Master. Please, I need to feel the bite of your whip, to see your marks on me in the mirror and know we’re together in this.”

  He knew what she meant. Whenever they’d scened together it had felt like a merging of their spirits. He was her mentor, her rock and she was his smile. He was happy whenever he was with her. It didn’t matter if they were cuddling or fucking, just having her near him changed his mood. His shoulders felt lighter, his heart beat faster and his brain became solely focused on her. It seemed the only time he ever truly relaxed was when she was wrapped securely in his arms.

  “Okay, pretty girl.” He unbuttoned the shirt she was wearing and slipped it from her shoulders. “Face the cross. You know what to do.”

  Brianna moved with grace to the wooden structure. She stretched her arms and legs against the wood then waited.

  The cross was equipped with three different types of restraints, manacles, rope and vines in keeping with the garden theme. The vines were scratchy and would irritate her soft skin. He usually used the manacles on the subs he’d played with. They had a cold, impersonal feel to them that mirrored his frame of mind. With Brianna, he used the soft, black jute. Sean had spent a small fortune outfitting the club. All the ropes came from distributors who hand-worked each piece to make sure it was soft, yet remained strong enough to use in suspension play.

  Since it had been awhile, he made sure Brianna was standing flat-footed before he made the single column ties at her wrists and ankles. The last thing he wanted was for her to get a leg cramp and ruin the session. He checked in with her and ran his finger under each tie to ensure there wouldn’t be a problem.

  She had always bruised so easily that Steven needed to make sure she was adequately prepared before he started using his whip. He did not find bruises sexy. However, the red covering her ass was a major turn-on.

  Gently at first, he began to massage her shoulders then down her back and legs. It was imperative to bring the blood close to the surface to avoid damaging her skin. She was much too precious to him to rush through the safety protocols and chance hurting her.

  Once her skin was glowing, he took out his deerskin flogger. Its heavy strands offered a delicious thud. It was just what his girl needed as a warm-up.

  Brianna closed her eyes, wishing he had blindfolded her, but she was unwilling to ask for it. She had already been greedy by requesting both an over-the-lap spanking and a whipping. Though Steven had never accused her of it, from what she’d read, some would say she was topping from the bottom and she really didn’t want to overstep her bounds.

  His hands on her bare skin had been much like a dream come true. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed his touch until tears filled her eyes. She wasn’t sure why she couldn’t control the waterworks. Normally, she didn’t cry like a baby every five minutes. At least Steven seemed to be handling it well.

  As his hands left her body, she knew the session was about to begin. She looped her hands over the rope bindings and held on. They hadn’t discussed the number of strikes and she was too nervous to bring it up. The music rocking the club began to fade from her mind as she focused solely on Steven. He was digging something out of his satchel and she hoped it was his four-footer. She was familiar with the feel of it and she knew she could handle the sensations it brought. The six-footer was more intimidating probably because he was farther away from her and she didn’t like that.

  He stood off to her left side, far closer than she expected. As soon as she felt the first strike she knew why. Like the spanking, he was taking his time to prepare her and work up to the actual punishment. Thank heavens.

  His flogger struck just above the knees, bringing both a thud and sting. Strike after strike, he worked his way up her body. He was careful to avoid the kidney region just as she knew he would be. He might like to play rough, but he was always cautious.

  She tipped her head forward and tried to swing her hair around to get it out of his way. He must have noticed because he stopped immediately and moved it for her. In no time, they’d found a rhythm and her mind began to quiet. This was what she’d yearned for. His strikes were beginning to pack more wallop and she was swaying with each one. The swats on her ass and thighs sent her blood zinging through her, while those same strands seemed to melt her bones the higher they went.

  The world slipped away and Brianna let go. There were few things better than to float on a sea of sensations. No fears or worries clouded her brain.

  Eventually, she noticed the steady thumping had ended. Steven wiped the hair from her face and checked in with her. Using her voice took too much effort but she smiled and nodded. She wasn’t ready to face the real world just yet and she was relieved he didn’t demand it of her. As soon as his hand left her face, she let her eyes drift closed.

  The crack of the whip pushed through the fog. It sounded as if it would peel the skin right off her and she knew it could if someone less experienced had been wielding it. Steven, however, was capable of placing the leather tail exactly where he wanted it to go with the precise amount of strength he wished behind it.

  So, instead of fear, a smile danced across her face. This was what she’d missed. The sting and burn as it kissed her skin and made his mark. His first pass was barely more than a breeze and left her wanting more. Each successive pass struck with slightly harsher force. She rode the edge of heaven and hell as he striped her backside.

  The ache in her pussy refused to be ignored. As he rubbed and caressed her back she pushed against him as much as her restraints would allow.

  “Do you need relief, pretty girl?”

  Words seemed too hard to form, but a needy moan passed from her lips as his fingers slid from her clit to her pussy. There was no hiding the evidence of her arousal so she didn’t try. Her clit was begging for attention and wetness was seeping down her thighs.

  As his finger dipped inside, she strained against the ropes to ride him.

  “You must remember, this is a punishment so there will be no orgasm for you right now.”

  She hung her head and willed her body to step away from the explosion that’d been building inside her.

  “That’s my good girl.”

  His praise took away the disappointment of not being allowed to come. She fought to bring her breathing under control as he untied her from
the cross. His body crowded hers and she was grateful. Her legs were so shaky she wasn’t sure they’d hold her.

  Every inch of her ached and she reveled in it. For so long, she’d moved through life numb. It was a miracle to feel again. As the last binding fell free, Steven took her in his arms and held her tight.

  “How are you doing, pretty girl?” His voice was gravelly.

  He took her hair in one strong hand and pulled until her head tipped backward. Gently, he wiped away tears she hadn’t realized she’d shed. She’d cried more tonight than she had in a long time. It felt good to release some of her pent-up emotions. The hard shell she’d built around herself was cracking. Only Steven saw the real Brianna, the vulnerable one, who was afraid of her own shadow. To everyone else, she was calm and cool under fire.

  “Better now, Master. Thank you.”

  Steven hugged her tight before grabbing his satchel and leading her to a blanket on the ground underneath a nearby tree.

  “Lie on your tummy. I want to put some lotion on your backside.”

  As if on automation, she did as he commanded. She loved the feel of his hands touching her skin, but didn’t really want the sting from her punishment to go away. There was no way to explain it without sounding at least a little bit kooky, but the feeling was cathartic just the same.

  Whatever he applied to her back smelled of eucalyptus. It was both refreshing and relaxing at the same time. With expert fingers, he massaged her stiff muscles until she was soft and pliant beneath him. Whenever she had submitted to him in the past, a warm, safe feeling had come over her. To have that back was nothing short of a miracle.

  “I’m glad you came looking for me, pretty girl. We were meant to be together. I truly believe we were destined to find each other. We’ve made foolish mistakes, but we’re going to learn from them and this time nothing will keep us apart.”

  There was still so much they needed to work through and yet she felt as though they’d already accomplished a great deal. When he mentioned their past she no longer had the urge to apologize. Although she knew he would have little patience for her subverting the truth and he would keep her on a short leash until she gained his trust, it was amazing that he was willing to give her another chance.